Terms of service

Terms of Service Last updated: January 02, 2026

Oh, look at you—actually scrolling down to the Terms of Service. We're flattered. Most people just smash "I Agree" faster than they swipe left on a bad dating profile. Congratulations, you're in the top 0.01% of responsible internet users. Or the most bored. Either way, welcome.

By visiting our website, adding items to your cart, or even thinking about buying something, you agree to these Terms. (Yes, even window shopping counts. We're watching.)

1. Acceptance of Terms These Terms are a legally binding contract between you and OnScene.Us (that's us, the magnificent overlords of this empire). If you don't agree, please close this tab and go touch grass. Continued use means you accept everything here, plus any changes we make later because, honestly, who has time to ask permission every time?

2. Use of the Site You're allowed to browse, shop, and dream about our products. You're not allowed to:

  • Hack us (we're fragile).
  • Scrape our site (get your own products).
  • Pretend to be someone else (catfishing is for dating apps).
  • Use the site for anything illegal (duh).
  • Or, as Apple once warned in their iTunes terms, develop nuclear weapons. (We're not taking chances.)

We reserve the right to kick you off the site for any reason, or no reason, or because Mercury is in retrograde.

3. Products and Orders All products are subject to availability. We dropship, so sometimes things take longer than your average Amazon Prime addiction expects. Prices can change without notice—blame inflation, not us. Orders are offers; we can reject them if we feel like it. (Sorry, not sorry.)

4. Payments You promise to pay. We promise to try to deliver. If your card declines, we'll remind you politely... once or twice... then maybe a little less politely.

5. Intellectual Property Everything on this site—photos, descriptions (even the sarcastic ones), logos—is ours. Don't steal it. We worked hard copying it from suppliers.

6. Limitation of Liability We're not liable for anything. Seriously. Products might be defective, late, or turn out to be slightly different from the photo (lighting, you know?). Use at your own risk. We're not responsible for acts of God, shipping gremlins, or if your package gets lost in the Bermuda Triangle of logistics. IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE LAWYERS LIKE YELLING: TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, WE DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES AND SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER.

7. Governing Law These Terms are governed by the laws of [Your Country/State]. Disputes go to arbitration because court is expensive and we'd rather not.

8. Changes to Terms We can update these anytime. By continuing to use the site, you agree to the new ones. (See? Told you no one reads this.)

9. Zombie Apocalypse Clause (Inspired by Amazon's Lumberyard terms): All restrictions above are void in the event of a widespread viral infection causing human corpses to reanimate and consume living flesh. In that case, good luck, and please prioritize survival over returns.

10. Contact Us Questions? Complaints? Existential dread? Email drherpeppr@onsceneus.us. We'll get back to you eventually.

Thank you for shopping with us. You're the real MVP for reading this far. Now go buy something—you've earned it.